Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize