I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
