a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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