Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
