my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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