Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
