you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
