bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
