she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
