So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
