they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
