Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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