we made out on top of his cat.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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