On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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