i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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