I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
