I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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