He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
