I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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