ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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