So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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