At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
