I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
