well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
