piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
