I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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