the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
