I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
