No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
