Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
