And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so not down for the gang bang
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
