dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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