sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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