he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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