Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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