The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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