Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
