why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
