apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
