so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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