When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
