Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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