we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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