dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
