i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's blow job season.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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