i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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