Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
honey bunches of taint.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
