i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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