I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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