Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
