3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
