I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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