In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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