i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
