I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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