Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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