so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
