my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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