I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
