i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize