why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
