Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
