I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It was confusing and full of hummus
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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