we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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