well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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