this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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