my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
