Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
