perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize