Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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