Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
