i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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