i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
