Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
