yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
