Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
