i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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