i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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