You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she smelled like a LAN party
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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