Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize