evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
