My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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