the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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