he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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